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 Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)

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Razgriz
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PostSubject: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:30 am



Usual Apparel:
Spoiler:
 

Protective Goggles:
Spoiler:
 
(Mind you, it isn't missing the glass piece)

Basic Character Information:
Name: Ilmater, Razgriz
Alias / Nickname: Fedaykin
Age: 23 30/10
Gender: Male
Appearance: Raz is a very sturdy looking young male. He's not really all that much to look at. Despite being a Hyuuga, His features are very much so different than normal Hyuuga. With his bleach blonde hair, and sort of more mysterious rugger looks, he considers himself just a normal person. Dressed in common pants and a shirt underneath his uniform, he wears an sort of black over-cloak that comes with a hood. With his rugged handsome looks, Pure white eyes and blonde locks he's quite the handsome young male. His features are charming to most women he comes across, so he considers his looks to be a main feature of his.

His skin is a fair, tannish color due to long hours in the sun each day, and he stands Five-Ten tall. With a rugged muscular body tone, he isn't buff and beefy, he is more toned and well worked. His body is almost sculpted the way it is. Muscle defined to the very perfection, which is quite extraordinary for someone who lived in the wild for 23 years. With his well toned skin. His rugged handsome looks, well toned body and average height. He's sort of really just a normal, every day male ninja with a little extra definition. Shaggy blonde hair down to the sides of his face and perfect chiseled features.

Personality: Raz is the silent, strong willed type of person. With a history of honor, combat and survival against all odds. Raz is the sort of man who's not afraid to just charge head on to any problem, or any foe he meets. With a head full of passion, and a heart full of fire he's the sort of man who's just the kind of one you never want to mess with. Normally on a day by day basic he's rather passive, quiet, the silent type. He reads, studies. Meditates and tends to just space out here and there. With his way of living "The Silent blade cuts best". As a young male, he is still yet to find his path. Which often leaves him confused though he wishes to at least fight and show his worth.

In combat, Raz is an entirely different story. Being such a normally passive person, people are highly surprised by his superior combat effectiveness. With his strict ways of life and his long years of surviving in some of the harshest, if not the harshest environment in the world, he fights like an Animal. Though fighting like an animal in combat he always has control and always makes sure that he isn't being an idiot and leaving himself open to being gut like a trout on a line. With his way of life he never backs down from a challenge and is always willing to die with honor in a difficult fight. He's not one for backing out even if he knows he's going to die, instead he will continue to fight until either he or his opponent no longer stands, Nor breaths.

As he spent his youth surviving with his people after his father's death, he is considerably strong while in a group of people even if a few of them are at first resistant to commanding. He's a strong and emotional leader, always making sure that his people don't get hurt, and if they do they are always avenged. With his strong connection to his people he always tries to make sure that he is well understood and not too harsh on the people he is leading or around. He enjoys to lead a group of people as it helps him feel like he's back at home with his people. He prefers to be the leader, though he doesn't have a problem with being a subject. Despite his long childhood of leading it does some days take a toll on him and put his patience to the test, which is another reason why he makes for a good leader, as he isn't afraid to let his emotions get in the way.
Your Ninja Way: Walk Quiet. But kill even quieter.
User ID http://www.narutor.org/u8743

Bloodline Information:
Bloodline Name: Hyuuga Bloodline
Kekkei Genkai | Bloodline Techniques: Byakugan / All Seeing White Eye
Approved Bloodline Application Link: http://www.narutor.org/t28543-byakugan-all-seeing-white-eye-kekkei-genkai

Clan Information:
Clan Name: N/A
Clan History: ~
Clan Application Link: ~


Role Information:
Title: Chuunin
Rank: B
Residency: ~
Organization | Group: Torehaka

Skill Information:
Skill Specialty:
-Main: Taijutsu
-Sub: Ninjutsu
-Tertiary: ~
Elemental Affinity:
-Main: Katon
-Sub: Fuuton
-Advanced: ~

Special Characteristics:
Special Characteristics:
Name: Rage Control
Rank: C
Range: Self
Description: Through years of control, Raz has managed to channel his rage like a weapon. With the angrier he gets, the more damage his jutsu do. Of course at the cost of extra chakra. with each 10% of damage increase on his jutsu, Or attacks. They cost an extra 10% of chakra usage. This however is entirely dependent on if he wants to do so or not. As this is not an automatic SC, and is entirely passive. Having a sort of On/Off switch, Raz can choose if he wishes to put extra chakra in to his attacks to make the damage scale higher, it is NOT required for him to do so with the angrier he gets.

As rank of this SC upgrade, As does the damage scale, and chakra output.

Spoiler:
 

Name: Internal organic-chemical control
Requirement: Prana-bindu And The Weirding Way
Rank: B
Range: Self
Description: Just as the prana-bindu allows Razgriz to precisely control each muscle and nerve, He also has complete conscious control over the functions of his internal organs and body chemistry. Razgriz can completely control his breathing and heart rate to the degree that he can appear dead to most tests even after intense physical exertion. He can control his need for food and water to the extremes of hunger and thirst, and even commit suicide at will by simply stopping his heart. Razgriz, therefore Is Moderately more resistant to C ranked Venoms such as scorpion and snake venom, as he can change the chemical makeup of any harmful substance in his body and render it less deadly, therefore slowing the process that the venom spreads throughout his body itself. It is thought that should Razgriz wish to, he could slow his aging process dramatically, controlling every aspect of his metabolism.

Spoiler:
 
History Information:

History:

Birth Arc:
Spoiler:
 

Childhood Arc:
Spoiler:
 

Bruiser Arc (Genin Equivalent):
Spoiler:
 

A New Beginning (Chuunin Equiv-Current):
Spoiler:
 

Arsenal:

Styles Page:
 

Equipment Page:
 

Jutsu Page:
 

_________________

[13:23:12] MI§§ Uchiha : I need to shave my legs
[13:23:27] @ Todd : You need to shave more than your legs bushmonster. <~~~ epic Win Todd

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"


Last edited by Razgriz on Mon Nov 11, 2013 1:41 am; edited 22 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Sun Aug 18, 2013 8:18 am

Temporarily Approved

_________________

http://www.narutor.org/t30227-satsuan-muyi

[2:54:27 AM] Keyan S. C.: Did you look at it?
[2:55:05 AM] Sarah Newton: Ye
[2:55:09 AM] Sarah Newton: For like 2 seconds
[2:55:15 AM] Keyan S. C.: Describe it
[2:55:43 AM] Sarah Newton: Short cut jeans
[2:57:55 AM] Keyan S. C.: And?
[2:58:30 AM] Sarah Newton: Stuff
[2:58:32 AM] Sarah Newton: weird stuff
[2:58:35 AM] Sarah Newton: Keep that away
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Jitsurei Zukai
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Sun Aug 18, 2013 5:02 pm

This is being temporarily unapproved because the application requires an appearance. I've already received permission from an administrator to make this call, and I apologize for any inconveniences. Until this is done, this will remain unapproved. If necessary, another admin will come and take care of it.

Thanks for your time.
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:42 am

I'm well aware of that. I had it unlocked last night. The appearance wasn't good enough and lacked detail so I removed it. Sleep was required so I left it blank and under W.I.P once more. Just a heads up on that.

_________________

[13:23:12] MI§§ Uchiha : I need to shave my legs
[13:23:27] @ Todd : You need to shave more than your legs bushmonster. <~~~ epic Win Todd

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:40 am

Thank you for being understanding. Please post when you're ready for it to be reviewed again. We appreciate your working with us.

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Koto
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:47 am

For the Treated Hard Leather Armor, is this applying to all Water Release techniques? Or would some (such as a powerful cutting) possibly cut the armor? Also, I like how you worked in a 'disadvantage' with the Fire Release, though making it so you can still take advantage of it xD Nice.

- As for the SC, I'm going to talk to Gen or Kei real quick. Just to make sure. It is legitimate, but I can see where they'd disapprove.
- Also, when I return, I will re-read your style. In a hurry so I simply skimmed it, but It looked fine. So if another mod gets to this before I return, they can approve it (Most likely)
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:37 am

" However, with Water-style Jutsu. Such styles that Cut instead of splash or impact, will slash the armor itself. It is more resistant to direct impact water jutsu over slashing ones. Though as the leather is hard and treated, it provides a better resistance than clothing to such a slash." to make it easier. It really only defends well against direct impact water jutsu. Stuff like grand waterfall. However other slashing jutsu will damage the armor.

_________________

[13:23:12] MI§§ Uchiha : I need to shave my legs
[13:23:27] @ Todd : You need to shave more than your legs bushmonster. <~~~ epic Win Todd

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Mon Aug 19, 2013 6:56 am

This is fine by me now. Approved.
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Mon Nov 11, 2013 5:00 am

Quote :

Special Characteristics:
Name: Rage Control
Rank: C
Range: Self
Description: Through years of control, Raz has managed to channel his rage like a weapon. With the angrier he gets, the more damage his jutsu do. Of course at the cost of extra chakra. with each 10% of damage increase on his jutsu, Or attacks. They cost an extra 10% of chakra usage. This however is entirely dependent on if he wants to do so or not. As this is not an automatic SC, and is entirely passive. Having a sort of On/Off switch, Raz can choose if he wishes to put extra chakra in to his attacks to make the damage scale higher, it is NOT required for him to do so with the angrier he gets.

As rank of this SC upgrade, As does the damage scale, and chakra output.

You say: "As this is not an automatic SC,
Quote :
Raz can choose if he wishes to put extra chakra in to his attacks to make the damage scale higher, it is NOT required for him to do so with the angrier he gets."
But the problem is the definition of passive is that it IS automatic. This is just a big dose of logical fallacy. How can it be not automatic, and yet automatic at the same time? After all, passive literally means, that one has to take no action, as it is constant, and without need to activate.


Quote :
Name: Internal organic-chemical control
Requirement: Prana-bindu And The Weirding Way
Rank: B
Range: Self
Description: Just as the prana-bindu allows Razgriz to precisely control each muscle and nerve, He also has complete conscious control over the functions of his internal organs and body chemistry. Razgriz can completely control his breathing and heart rate to the degree that he can appear dead to most tests even after intense physical exertion. He can control his need for food and water to the extremes of hunger and thirst, and even commit suicide at will by simply stopping his heart. Razgriz, therefore Is Moderately more resistant to C ranked Venoms such as scorpion and snake venom, as he can change the chemical makeup of any harmful substance in his body and render it less deadly, therefore slowing the process that the venom spreads throughout his body itself. It is thought that should Razgriz wish to, he could slow his aging process dramatically, controlling every aspect of his metabolism.

Spoiler:

As rank goes up, as does the ability to control ones internal system. This allows the person to increase and train their body to harden up more, be more resilient, and even fake death in circumstances.

C - Slightly better resistance to venom below the rank of the SC itself, Able to slow metabolism down to reduce their need to eat and drink and slow their heart-rate down to assist focusing.

B - Moderately better resistance to venom below the rank of the SC itself (C rank venoms), Slowing metabolism even farther to resist starvation and thirst, slow aging process slightly, Farther increase heart-rate down to the point they can stop it, though only for a short time before needing to restart it (3 posts), or death is ensured.

A - Higher resistance to venom and better resistance to poisons such as numbing, muscle spasm and sleep poisons, High metabolism slowage to the point of ignorance to starvation and thirst (Not complete, can survive a max 4 weeks without food. A week without water), slow aging process even farther to live longer, and stop their heart for a longer period of time (5 posts) before needing to restart their heart from the 'low power' mode, though heart must be restarted after 5 posts or death is ensured.

S - Complete tolerance to Snake and scorpion styled venoms, Higher resistance to wide ranges of poisons, total ignorance to starvation and thirst to the point they do not need to eat for more than a month, or drink water for a max of 2 weeks. Almost complete slowing of aging process to the point life can be extended by 60 years, and able to stop heart for more than 24 hours without needing to restart it. Maximum of 30 hours before total death (30 hours in roleplay itself).
Okay I see big problems with this.

S rank is extremely powerful, but there is no way in all living heck you can stop your heart for a day and not die. Period. The anatomy of a human body requires the fresh oxygen, you cells would die even without performing any activity. And unless you are catatonic, and not moving any part of your body, the starving thing just won't work at such extremes. Yes, you can go weeks without eating, but that is with extreme side effects you fail to mention, as if it gives you immunity. You don't even mention if you need to be compeltely still and relaxed with this SC. As is, you could go start fights while starving for weeks. The body would devour it's own muscle tiddues and whatnot to survive even without moving at all. And in 2 weeks if you physically exert yourself, or are in a hot climate, your body would sweat away huge quantities of water...not to mention just breathing expells moisture into the air as the lungs are moist. Then you have the fact that when your body conserves the water without sweating, you get heat stroke. Even for S...This just seems unreasonable.

And you didn't even really give a quantifiable example of HOW resistant to poisons at each rank, just a vague work like "very" or "moderately better" which could be anything really.

Quote :
He also has complete conscious control over the functions of his internal organs and body chemistry.
NO...at B rank...that's all that needs to be said. NO

Also, this is WAY too much for 1 SC. You need 1 for poison resist, 1 for muscle/nerve control, one for food/water needs. This is just a massive super many-in-one SC.

Sometimes multiple things in one are understandable. GenShinigami told me for since one handed seals were B rank, if I took it all the way to S, I would also get 2 jutsu at once at A and a speed boost at S. Why? simply, taking an SC usualy stopped at a single rank, and going far higher rank.

This however, is mostly rather unrelated things. What does poison resistance have to do with how long you can starve without dying? And how does staving warrant sharing an SC with nerve/muscle control?



And all your jutsu are not using the template, which has Cost: right below rank.

Posting this then editing.


(I am a trail mod, so a regular mod can over-ride me. BUT, I think these  bear notice)


Edit:


Also, you neglected to fill out the clan part, and yet claim the hyuuga kkg... canon wise hyuuga were extremely protective of their bloodline...there would not be anyone who was just rogue and no ties to the clan. This might be a problem.


Edit Again: Your weapons have no origin. Fix this please.

Here Comes More:

Quote :
Style Name: Prana-Bindu And The Weirding Way
Style Type: Taijutsu x Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Style Weapon: Unarmed - Weapons (Crysknife)
Description: This allows the user to bend the last joint in their little toe while remaining otherwise motionless, bend and contort their body in ways that most would consider impossible, or put a remarkable amount of force behind a physical blow. The mental part of prana-bindu, or prana-nervature (prana stands for breath, bindu stands for musculature) is the precise control of the totality of nerves in the human body. In Training, They test themselves with nerve induction training that causes the sensation of intense pain. They learn to measure self control, nerve control, and as some put it, crisis and observation.

Unarmed attacks are part of the specialized martial art part of this style called "The Weirding Way", which incorporates the prana-bindu methods of optimized muscle control, which enable one to deliver powerful blows and to move with extreme precision and speed. The basic principle behind The Weirding Way is that, "My mind affects my reality." A user of The Weirding Way has to know that the action he or she "wants" to perform has already been performed. For example, to imagine oneself behind an opponent at the current moment in time; when trained well, this knowledge will place them at the spot desired. As the art's prana bindu incorporation allows even small attacks to do massive damage, weirding way combat is to the death.

As rank goes up, as does the ability to control ones ability to use the style. And as they grow and use the style more, they become more fluent with how it works.

C - At C rank, A user of Prana-bindu is able to resist pain for Cuts, and abrasions. And in extreme cases, removal of finger-tips up to the first knuckle (after the base), Broken bones in hand and feet.

B - At B rank, A trained user is able to resist pain from broken bones such as Ribs, shins, Jaw, removal of teeth and finger-nails. Lengthened Cuts, 2nd degree burning and bending of limbs.

A - At A rank. A user is able to resist some pain from 3rd Degree burning, Removal of fingers, Toes and even if done so, Ears, eyes or tongue. Multiple broken bones, Deep wounding.

S - At S rank, the person is able to completely ignore Pain from Removal of fingers, Teeth, Toes, eyes, Tongue and Moderate gouging, Leaving only resistance to Removal of limbs, Example removal of Hand, Ankles, Leg and arms from elbow and knee down. Though removal of chunks of flesh, Heavy Deep gouging and other 'various' parts removed still inflict heavy pain.
First, a style can't allow you to contort your body. The style might USE contortion style moves, but the style itself doesn't allow you to. This is much like an SC in disguise. And all the pain tolerance stuff. That is normally an SC. Again, this is an ability you have, yet you call it a combat style. This is just more SC's but called "style" for some reason.

Quote :
Unarmed attacks are part of the specialized martial art part of this style called "The Weirding Way", which incorporates the prana-bindu methods of optimized muscle control, which enable one to deliver powerful blows and to move with extreme precision and speed. The basic principle behind The Weirding Way is that, "My mind affects my reality." A user of The Weirding Way has to know that the action he or she "wants" to perform has already been performed. For example, to imagine oneself behind an opponent at the current moment in time; when trained well, this knowledge will place them at the spot desired. As the art's prana bindu incorporation allows even small attacks to do massive damage, weirding way combat is to the death.
Explain this more. It sounds like you are trying to deliver a small weak cut or punch and cause massive damage. Now if this was using hyuuga style jutsu, I can accept that, it is explained. But this is just you saying "I have this, therefore I do great damage, no matter what the power of the blow." Great precision, yes,  but nothing can turn light taps into massive damage, unless again, it is explained perfectly.

Also, you only listed how pain tolerance scales, and neglected the rest and how rank affects it.

Oh, and  almost I forgot with all the other stuff, there is no "User ID" second anymore, under Nindo. Now there is:

Goals:

or

Code:

[b]Goals:[/b]

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Kiritsu, Jiyuu ~ SS Rank ~ Master of the Lotus Brotherhood.

Kodomo, Kei ~ S Rank ~ Advisor to the Tatsukage
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PostSubject: Re: Ilmater, Razgriz (Done)   Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:55 pm

For the record, so there is no confusion: This app is unapproved until it meets Rig's standards.
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